{"id":31371,"date":"2012-08-07T09:14:51","date_gmt":"2012-08-07T13:14:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=31371"},"modified":"2012-08-07T09:14:51","modified_gmt":"2012-08-07T13:14:51","slug":"road-to-the-fecal-four-fatty-v-oliver","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=31371","title":{"rendered":"Road to the Fecal Four: Fatty v. Oliver"},"content":{"rendered":"

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I somehow neglected this yesterday, but this week’s non-profit is Cooking With The Troops (CWTT). Cooking with the Troops is a 501(c)(3) charity that supports U.S. and Allied troops, their families, and caregivers worldwide. Our mission is to provide comfort, nutrition, and hope through four major programs: Food Events, Careers, Homefront Support and Frontline Support. Go and toss them a few Talents.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Who will be the second to make it to the Fecal Four?<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

16 Fatty McQuartermillion Pounder<\/a> v.
\n15 Timothy \u201cDurango + Delta = Douchebag\u201d Oliver<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

FATTY McQUARTERMILLION POUNDER<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape:<\/strong> UNKNOWN<\/p>\n

Actual:<\/strong> UNKNOWN<\/p>\n

Intangibles:<\/strong> Looks like a sausage.<\/p>\n

Facts about Sausage:<\/p>\n

The earliest known reference to sausage is from Homer\u2019s Odyssey, wherein Odysseus is remarked to be<\/p>\n

\u00a0rolling from side to side
\nas a cook turns a sausage, big with blood
\nand fat, at a scorching blaze, without a pause,
\nto broil it quick<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Chaucer also talked about a game of hide the sausage (actually, no, it is from Urban Dictionary<\/a>, but fairly funny):<\/p>\n

A fayre visaged manne was in the partee,
\nLipsed of voyse, and limpe of wriste eek.
\nFul wynsomme a crafty butcher was he,
\nWe played heide thee sausage and I could not sitte downe for a weeke.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

He was afterward banned for life from Chick-Fil-A.<\/p>\n

This US Rower<\/a> may have smuggled sausage onto the podium at the medal ceremony.<\/p>\n

The word “sausage” is descended from the Latin salsus,<\/em> meaning ‘salted’.<\/p>\n

Haggis is technically a pudding, not a sausage.<\/p>\n

This year in Scotland, the Super Bowl was marked with an entire day devoted to Sausage.\u00a0 In Indianapolis it was accompanied by my tears.<\/p>\n

Someone on the internet wrote a tribute poem to Sausage<\/a>:<\/p>\n

You may brag about your breakfast foods you eat at break of day,
\nYour crisp, delightful shavings and your stack of last year’s hay,
\nYour toasted flakes of rye and corn that fairly swim in cream,
\nOr rave about a sawdust mash, an epicurean dream.
\nBut none of these appeals to me, though all of them I’ve tried–
\nThe breakfast that I liked the best was sausage mother fried.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

OLIVER<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape:<\/strong> \u201cA member of the unit commonly known as Delta Force, he said he hit the ground in Kandahar after a high-altitude jump with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service.\u00a0 He recalls three days of intense \u2018house-to-house urban warfare.\u00a0 It was a lot of chaos and a lot of fear,\u2019 he said.\u201d<\/p>\n

Actual:<\/strong> I would say he\u2019s completely full of shit, but his wife Phebe Durand assures us we don\u2019t know the truth because \u201cthat\u2019s a threat to national security\u201d and we can trust her because she has a law degree from Cortez Junior High School.\u00a0 In fact, according to Chief Justice Durand of the Supreme Court of Oz, merely mentioning her or him is \u201cbreaking the law.\u201d<\/p>\n

Intangibles:<\/strong> Dude\u2019s a Drood:\u00a0 \u201cA practitioner of Druidic arts for fifteen years desiring to bring his gifts to the public. Friendly and caring readings and a genuine desire to help you with any questions you have.\u201d\u00a0 Also, he is blind, but wears prescription eye glasses.<\/p>\n

The pony tail he sports is an homage to David Carradine,<\/p>\n

The grandson of Kwai Chang Oliver walks out of the past. He teaches his son wisdom at a Shaolin temple. An evil force destroyed that temple. Father and son each believed the other had perished. \u00a0Fifteen years later, they were reunited. Now Oliver faced new challenges… and his son jumped into Kandahar with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service.<\/p>\n

Carradine was found with rope around his neck and sausage.<\/p>\n

I know you’ve heard it all before,
\nSo I don’t say it anymore,
\nI just stand by and let you fight your secret war.<\/p>\n

Now go vote.<\/p>\n

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