Day 3: Village People Biker.<\/p>\n
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Seriously, this is so fricken gay I am putting it after the jump. How Gay is it? Imagine Liberace, the N’Sync dude and A-Rod all in a hot tub naked listening to Elton John. Now, raise that by 10 to the power of 57, and you’re within a few orders of magnitude. A guy who watches Thelma and Louise with a gallon of icecream and tears streaming down his face would look at this and tell me to man up. This picture makes Andy Dick look like Chuck Norris. You have been warned.]
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(Photo deleted as Mr. Bernath is stealing my copyrighted photos)<\/p>\n
Look favored by: Mr. Slave of South Park, Colorado, and bikers who sing odes extolling the virtues of the Navy, Macho men and YMCAs. Young man, there’s a place you can go It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A<\/p>\n Strengths: Somewhat surprisingly, this look totally kicks ass. It is basically the facial hair equivalent of Three Wolf Moon shirts. I wasn’t sworn on the look until I went to Cracker Barrel this morning. Wife wouldn’t come, so I went alone, and enjoyed my standard fare. (Eggs in a basket, hashbrown casserole, side of sausage, coffee, Arnold Palmer, the drink, not the dude.) Anyway, I must have looked kinda lonely, because this huge dude came over and asked if he could join me. I think his name was “Bear.” Anyway, he wouldn’t stop talking about how awesome it looked. He even invited me to go with him and his partner (I’m assuming he owns a small business or something) to a dance club Friday night.<\/p>\n And chicks don’t seem immune to it either. The waitress came over and talked to us for a while, letting me know how great she thought it was that I could get married and serve in the military. I agree. Not sure why she was bringing it up then, maybe I just have a post Afghanistan high look about me.<\/p>\n Anyway, Bear paid for breakfast and gave me his number. So, just a great start to the day.<\/p>\n Weakness: None that I can tell. In fact, the beard kinda makes me look like a walrus, which I know from 50 first dates has the longest schlong of any mammal. Which is good too. Bear even mentioned something about it, but I was trying to read the Life section of USA Today.<\/p>\n Overall: 9\/10. The only thing that would make this look better is if it had titties.<\/p>\n [Seriously, holy shit it was so gay that I shaved it off literally 10 minutes after taking this picture. I even beat the crap out of myself in what may have been a hate crime.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\nYoung man, there’s no need to feel down
\nI said young man, pick yourself off the ground
\nI said young man, ’cause your in a new town
\nThere’s no need to be unhappy<\/em><\/p>\n
\nI said young man, when you’re short on your dough
\nYou can stay there and I’m sure you will find
\nMany ways to have a good time<\/p>\n