{"id":29932,"date":"2012-05-14T06:50:04","date_gmt":"2012-05-14T10:50:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=29932"},"modified":"2012-05-14T06:50:04","modified_gmt":"2012-05-14T10:50:04","slug":"five-days-of-facial-hair-with-tso","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=29932","title":{"rendered":"Five days of Facial Hair with TSO"},"content":{"rendered":"

Day 1:\u00a0 The Unabomber look<\/p>\n

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Look favored by: lunatics who live in log cabins and eschew technology; people who stand around with signs foretelling the end of times; anyone living in the wild who owns a pet bear; guys who have no shot at female companionship.<\/p>\n

Strengths: A man walks around with a beard like this, and people know he means business.\u00a0 And by “business” I mean\u00a0making corn whiskey out back in a dangerous contraption.\u00a0 Snacks are readily available from the flotsam stuck in the hair from previous night.\u00a0 If you purse your lips, your boston terier can’t quite get his tongue in your mouth.\u00a0 You can put on manjammies and walk away from Taliban attacks, only to explain to the unit that\u00a0picked you up that you were sent here by Odin to monitor\u00a0the work of Leif Erickson.\u00a0 People tend to stay away from you on public transport.<\/p>\n

Weaknesses: Female companionship is as unattainable as Valhalla.\u00a0 Guinness drinking makes you look like a “Got Milk?” commercial.\u00a0 Possums living under your deck think you are a bear, and go for the snout.<\/p>\n

Overall: I give it a 5\/10.\u00a0 It’s not totally horrid, but it itches a lot.\u00a0 Kissing my wife is nigh on impossible, since I just end up with a mouth full of red\/grey hair.\u00a0 Also, the chin strap for the helmet rather irritates it.\u00a0 I actually had to comb it at one point to get dry powdered eggs out of it.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Day 1:\u00a0 The Unabomber look Look favored by: lunatics who live in log cabins and eschew … Five days of Facial Hair with TSO<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-29932","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29932","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=29932"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/29932\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=29932"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=29932"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=29932"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}