{"id":26543,"date":"2011-09-16T12:39:33","date_gmt":"2011-09-16T16:39:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=26543"},"modified":"2011-09-16T13:12:17","modified_gmt":"2011-09-16T17:12:17","slug":"todays-news-91611","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=26543","title":{"rendered":"Today&#8217;s News 9\/16\/11"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>OK, so yesterday&#8217;s features didn&#8217;t get nearly the love I had hoped for. In fact, my Council of Elrond quip was like a Top 10 quote in the history of the internet. Now, no one beats a dead horse like me, and (of course) the dude that beat the horse in front of Neitsche that drive him nuts. So, these beatings will continue until morale improves up in this heartless den of crazy person-haters.<\/p>\n<p>From the &#8220;<a href=\"http:\/\/www.nypost.com\/p\/news\/local\/brooklyn\/weiner_gets_brush_off_a1vNTFMYqECUbAxvnhz48M#ixzz1Y8HOGCyH\">I just came up with a new band name<\/a>&#8221; file:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>There also was talk of replacing the carpeting and Weiner\u2019s office chair, the insider said.<\/p>\n<p>But Turner, who attended a whirlwind of meetings all day, waved off questions about office decor and <strong><em>Weiner residue<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>For those that didn&#8217;t know, I used to play the cowbell in the band &#8220;Tom Brady made me have an oopsie in my superman underoos.&#8221; We opened for 50 cent once.<\/p>\n<p>Anyone have a clue what in the <a href=\"http:\/\/news.yahoo.com\/arkansas-town-searching-toe-sucking-assailant-161441323.html\">hell is going on in Arkansas<\/a>?<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Police have received two complaints in the past week about a man who seems desperate to suck women&#8217;s toes &#8212; whether they want him to or not.<\/p>\n<p>Last Saturday, Ruth Harris, 83, told police she was sitting in a chair in front of her apartment when a man approached and said he liked her feet. According to a police report, the man took off one of her shoes and began sucking on her toe.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>One freak is understandable, two is grounds to be tossed from these United States&#8230;<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>It is not the first time that Conway has dealt with this sort of complaint. In the 1990s, a man who was known as the &#8220;Toe Suck Fairy&#8221; kept Arkansans captivated with his foot fondling antics in Conway and Little Rock.<\/p>\n<p>That assailant, Michael Robert Wyatt, pretended to be a podiatrist in order to fondle and suck a Conway woman&#8217;s toes at a clothing store. He received probation, a fine and court-ordered therapy but his probation was revoked after he was arrested in another town on similar charges.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>You know who doesn&#8217;t suck toes? Chuck Testa:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/LJP1DphOWPs\" frameborder=\"0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>And you know who could use the services of Chuck Testa, and the Ojai Valley Taxidermy? <a href=\"http:\/\/www.msnbc.msn.com\/id\/44547904\/ns\/us_news-crime_and_courts\/?utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=pulsenews#.TnNqf-xyyj0\">Robert Jeffrey Young and Mark Rubinson<\/a>, that&#8217;s who.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>In a real-life version of the movie &#8220;Weekend at Bernie&#8217;s,&#8221; two men drove around with a dead friend&#8217;s body, used his ATM card and visited a strip club, police said.<\/p>\n<p>According to the Post, an affidavit accused Young and Rubinson of leaving Jarrett&#8217;s body in the car while they drank at a bar on his tab Aug. 27.<\/p>\n<p>Investigators allege the men stopped at a restaurant, returned Jarrett&#8217;s body to his home, used Jarrett&#8217;s ATM card and withdrew $400 at a teller machine at Shotgun Willie&#8217;s strip club before reporting Jarrett&#8217;s death.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/news.yahoo.com\/travel-picks-top-10-toilets-around-world-144459879.html\">News you can Use:<\/a><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Whether you call them a restroom, loo, lavatory, toilet, or &#8220;the facilities,&#8221; they are always an important part of being on the go. With this in mind the members and editors of travel website VirtualTourist.com (www.virtualtourist.com) have compiled this list of the &#8220;World&#8217;s Top 10 Toilets.&#8221; <\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Among other places one might drop a duece is at Madonna&#8217;s:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Madonna Inn; San Luis Obispo, CA<\/p>\n<p>It only makes sense that one of the world&#8217;s quirkiest hotels would have one of the world&#8217;s quirkiest restrooms; a waterfall urinal that comes to life when used. We can only imagine the surprise of the uninformed.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Kinda reminds me of the time I tried to drink from a bidet at a hotel in New Haven, CT.  Honestly, their water tasted like shit.<\/p>\n<p>Speaking of shit, this little guy better start consolidating his, because I need to mow the lawn today, and I usually do so barefoot wearing only a banana hammock and Carmen Miranda&#8217;s hat.<br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/Fenway.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/Fenway.jpg\" alt=\"\" title=\"Fenway\" width=\"504\" height=\"403\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-26544\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/Fenway.jpg 504w, https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/Fenway-300x239.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 504px) 100vw, 504px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>(Oh, and yes, that is my Boston Terrier &#8220;Fenway&#8221; although Jamie pointed out that the Sox suck, and I should rename him &#8220;The Ballpark at Arlington&#8221;.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>OK, so yesterday&#8217;s features didn&#8217;t get nearly the love I had hoped for. In fact, my &hellip; <a title=\"Today&#8217;s News 9\/16\/11\" class=\"hm-read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=26543\"><span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Today&#8217;s News 9\/16\/11<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26543","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26543","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26543"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26543\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26543"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26543"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26543"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}