{"id":26053,"date":"2011-08-02T11:28:48","date_gmt":"2011-08-02T15:28:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=26053"},"modified":"2011-08-02T11:35:58","modified_gmt":"2011-08-02T15:35:58","slug":"my-fatwa-on-the-isp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=26053","title":{"rendered":"My Fatwa on the ISP"},"content":{"rendered":"

As some of the more perceptive among you may have divined, I have a real beef with the Indiana State Police from a run in I had with them on Sunday night. Now, lot of you have warned me in the past that sooner or later my Tranny Hooker ways would catch up to me, but this wasn\u2019t one of them. This time I just wanted to get my dogs out of prison and go home.<\/p>\n

So, was returning from the Red Sox\/White Sox adventure I had this weekend, thanks be unto Blackfive<\/a> who got me on the field close enough to smell Heidi Watney and see the diminutive Lazer Show that is Lil Dusty Pedroia. (Ozzie Guillen asked me if I knew \u201cthat [effen] midget\u201d.)
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Anyway, get back to Indy at about 4:30ish, which is good because I have to pick up the dogs from 5-6 at the kennel. Then I start running into problems. Seems the Brickyard 400 was that day, and there were 100k extra folks in town trying to get the hell out, and so they altered the traffic significantly. Some of it made sense, what is to follow did not.<\/p>\n

So I had to overshoot my exit by 3 miles and come on a back road to get where I was going. I can live with that. Mind you, I don\u2019t know why you would shut down exits, but I was early, so didn\u2019t care. Then I get to the corner of N. Girls School Road and 21st. I need to take a right on 21st, go down about \u00bd mile and get the dogs. <\/p>\n

Here is my shitty diagram so I can explain the rest of my shitty day.
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\n<\/p>\n

Now, the state police (hereinafter LEO Morans) have 21st street blocked off. But just in one direction. They weren\u2019t using the other lane mind you, they just closed it down. So, we pull off, and I get out, while Mrs. TSO stays with the car. I tell the trooper I need to go down there to get my dogs. \u201cCan\u2019t, it\u2019s closed off.\u201d Yes, I am a master of reading terrain, and I can tell from the interspersion of a cap car and several orange cones that this is the case. How can I get there then. \u201cI don\u2019t know, I guess you can\u2019t.\u201d Well, that was delightfully helpful. When will it reopen? \u201cDon\u2019t know.\u201d <\/p>\n

So, I have 45 mins now to get the dogs, or I have to pay an additional $30, and take time off work to get them. I start to get a case of the screaming baboon ass, but sit peacefully in the car for about 20 mins. Once again I exit the vehicle and ask LEO Moran if he has received any word on when it might open. \u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n

Had he just had a shred of decency and tried to explain what was going on, I might not have lost it. But this guy had all the compassion of Charmin chunks on a bear\u2019s ass. (See below) At this point I decide to hoof it, while Mrs. TSO parks the car at the neighboring church. At this point I realize I\u2019m not the only pissed off Hoosier, as there are about 100 people all bitching at the cops. While I needed to get down there for my dogs, these people actually lived within M203 range, and couldn\u2019t get to their houses.<\/p>\n

So, in the nearly 100 degree weather I start my tramp of doom down to the Kennel. (See diagram 2)
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Now, bear in mind I walked down the middle of the street. Cars were barely moving on the street coming at me. Possibly because of the 5 R-Tards standing in the middle of the street arguing with locals who just wanted to go home. So why not use both lanes? No effen clue. None.<\/p>\n

I finally get to the dogs, which were understandably excited to see dad, and responded accordingly, by jumping on me, barking and basically acting with the same mental faculties I had expected only in eggplant and Indiana State Police officers. Now, of course the wife never packs light, whether for herself or the dogs. And so I also now have a huge back full of blankets and food, and another with toys like a ripped up alligator, and half a shark with fuzz hanging out his ass and face.<\/p>\n

And back I walk, right down the closed lane that is still not serving any discernable purpose except to piss me off more. And drunken race fans are looking at me like I just crapped on their Dale Earnhardt autographed coozie. Mind you, they had nothing else to do as traffic wasn\u2019t moving because at this point there are now in excess of 150 people arguing with LEO Morans at the road junction a head of me. One guy seemed to have Tourettes he was so mad and just kept screaming \u201cAre you [effen] kidding me? I live right [effen] there!”
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So, I stop and ask the Statie in as easy a voice as I can muster, I ask him why the road is closed if they aren\u2019t bothering to use both lanes. \u201cYou need to move along sir.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, I finally get the dogs to the car, but I can\u2019t get home, because the other road they have blocked is the one I need to use. We ended up driving for about 30 mins in the wrong direction to get back home, and by then the cops had just opened up the damn road.<\/p>\n

So, I write to the ISP and ask them why the hell they would close a lane that no one is using, constructively evicting everyone who lives on the street, and why the cops had no clue why that was done. I get this response from some asshat at the Head Shed this morning:<\/p>\n

TSO
\nThe road was closed for the race at the track. We have a plan in place that allows for the entrance and exit of the Indpls. Motor Speedway. The officers there know why the road is closed so that we may have the entire roadway to move traffic in a one-way direction if needed. <\/p>\n

We are sorry for the hardship that you may have endured.
\nIndiana State Police Headquarters
\nIndiana Government Center North
\n100 N. Senate Avenue, Room N340
\nIndianapolis, IN 46204<\/p>\n

Operations Center: (317)232-8248
\nFirearms Licensing Section: (317)232-8264 Limited Criminal History Check (Fingerprinting): (317)232-8262<\/p>\n

Crash reports can be obtained at www.buycrash.com for a fee of $12.00.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I shit you not, that was the response. \u201cIf needed\u201d? Why not use both lanes and get people the hell out of dodge faster if that is the goal? Or, why not close some exits and get people on the highway as quick as possible? Mind you, between where I was there is I465, the beltway that runs around the city. So the only people impacted by this bit of idiocy were locals. Why not just let traffic go down that road if they lived there? <\/p>\n

I know it has to suck planning traffic for 100k extra people. But, if you are going to come up with a traffic plan that involves shutting down road lanes, WHY THE EFF WOULD YOU NOT USE THAT LANE TO GET PEOPLE OUT.<\/p>\n

Now, I know none of you read to the end of this. But, I am still so pissed at the idiocy and inefficiency that I am still shaking mad. <\/p>\n

Should just get blind paralytic drunk.<\/p>\n