{"id":26050,"date":"2011-08-02T08:19:55","date_gmt":"2011-08-02T12:19:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=26050"},"modified":"2011-08-02T08:19:55","modified_gmt":"2011-08-02T12:19:55","slug":"does-anyone-besides-this-bear-and-debbie-wasserman-schultz-have-this-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=26050","title":{"rendered":"Does anyone besides this bear and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz have this problem?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Look, I woke up okay, but then the sub-moronic cretins at the INDIANA STATE POLICE, the most idiotic law enforcement agency in the world forced me to pull up my cranky pants to octogenarian\/nipple level, so you get this.  It&#8217;s actually been plaguing me since last night.  I was watching something, I think it was How I Met Your Mother, when this absurd commercial came on TV:<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"425\" height=\"349\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/eLKTUsyCMcg\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Rant after the jump.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Seriously Charmin?  Who has this problem?  <\/p>\n<p>Look, I recognize that I am world famous for my hairless ass.  Chances are pretty good that if you took a family picture in Virginia Beach in front of the water between 1993-2001 that in the background you can see my ass protuding from the water.  It was my pantented &#8220;Mermaid&#8221; move, wherein I tried to ruin as many pictures as I could.  That being said, what kind of Yeti-ass do you need to have where the tensile strength of your TP succumbs to sheering caused by the abrasive nature of your butt?  <\/p>\n<p>It seems to me that if you have this problem, and easier solution would be to either shave your ass again, or let the hair grow so it is soft enough to not tear through the DiamondWeave\u2122 texture.  Try running TP across your head and see if it shreds.  If it does, you are a popped collar douche with too much hair gel, and no life.  For the rest of us, it just slides over leaving no residue.  <\/p>\n<p>Besides, what kind of crapping is this bear (and Debbie Wasserman-Shultz) doing in the woods that he needs to wipe his entire ass?  Unless you have a butt hole that is like the pit of Sarlac, there is no need to be wiping in that big an area.  Why hasn&#8217;t his mom taught him this stuff?  Dude, quit playing football and train your son to shit right.<\/p>\n<p>Hate Charmin, Hate the Indiana State Police (more on that later maybe) and hate the people who broke into my Apt again last night (not the new house, the old Apt) and trashed the place and made my wife cry.<\/p>\n<p>Cranky britches on for the remainder of the day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Look, I woke up okay, but then the sub-moronic cretins at the INDIANA STATE POLICE, the &hellip; <a title=\"Does anyone besides this bear and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz have this problem?\" class=\"hm-read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=26050\"><span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Does anyone besides this bear and Debbie Wasserman-Schultz have this problem?<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26050","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26050","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=26050"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26050\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=26050"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=26050"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=26050"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}