{"id":19155,"date":"2010-05-18T11:37:56","date_gmt":"2010-05-18T16:37:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=19155"},"modified":"2010-05-18T12:53:28","modified_gmt":"2010-05-18T17:53:28","slug":"poem-from-my-folly-beach-sc-visit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=19155","title":{"rendered":"Poem from my Folly Beach, SC visit"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Screw you Neutrogena Fresh Cooling Sunblock, Body Mist SPF 70,
\nMy burnt skin keeps me crying day and night,
\nLike Dick Blumenthal when he saw his best friend killed,
\nIn a firefight in the \u2018Nam, misplaced Arc-light.<\/p>\n

My reddish hue, my skin afire, aloe does not soothe,
\nFiancee, worst applier of skin protection eveh;
\nSpent the day playing in the surf, bobbing like a crab trap
\nNow I sit here like a statue, wishing my skin I could sever.<\/p>\n

Oh hated orb which doth rule the day;
\nWhy this pain you caused that has brought me low?
\nAnd no mercy can be found by night or day-
\nWish I was in Colorado again to lay in the snow.<\/p>\n

A fatwa upon you, oh bright hydrogen and helium sphere;
\nFor the burning misery which into my shell you did sear.<\/p>\n

ALSO: Joining my Fatwa list is the in-flight trivia game on Delta flights. I won 4 of the 7 games on my flight from Colorado to Atlanta, but on one I lost there was a question which asked losely:
\n“______ are inspected by paleobotanists trying to figure out what flora existed in a certain period.”<\/p>\n

Now, the answer according to Delta was “Coal Ball” which I acknowledge is correct, HOWEVER, the answer I chose was “Copralites” which everyone knows is fossilized dinosaur crap. Now, this “incorrect” answer cost me 600 points and the game, and I am happy to report that my answer was also correct<\/a>. <\/p>\n

THEREFORE: I demand that Neutrogena immediately provide me with a whirlpool for my back porch, that is entire filled with some cool semi-fluid substance that will wisk away the pain. And that when I recover, Delta Air provides me with long round trip tickets to anywhere that has their trivia game, that I might once again assert my trivial dominance. <\/p>\n

While I am at it, Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles, don’t think I have ended my fatwa on you over your poorly worded drivers exam. If I hear from Caro one more time how she only got 1 wrong and I got 2 wrong because of your poor syntax and logically fallacious English skills, I will get lawyer to the stars Branum to sue you for one giga-zillion dollars. To be paid out in plane tickets and aloe whirlpools.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Screw you Neutrogena Fresh Cooling Sunblock, Body Mist SPF 70, My burnt skin keeps me crying … Poem from my Folly Beach, SC visit<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=19155"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19155\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=19155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=19155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=19155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}