{"id":16419,"date":"2009-12-29T14:36:08","date_gmt":"2009-12-29T19:36:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=16419"},"modified":"2009-12-29T15:05:23","modified_gmt":"2009-12-29T20:05:23","slug":"i-would-apparently-make-a-shitty-parent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=16419","title":{"rendered":"I would apparently make a shitty parent"},"content":{"rendered":"

OK, so my beloved GF sent along this video to me, which is worth a few chuckles, or so I thought:<\/p>\n

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Just to give you a basis on my sense of humor, I get it from my Dad. When my brother was 18 and I was 20 my Bro came down with “Hyper Kalimic Periodic Paralysis.” I spelled it wrong, but basically his potassium level would change and he would get paralyzed from the neck down for a few hours. Parents thought he was going to die or something and let him do a bucket list like you’ve never seen. This after he had already convinced them he was retarded (no lie) to get out of doing school stuff. For one Christmas he got like an Intellivision, and I got a chalk board. If i got a C in school I would get the lecture: “Your brother is not too bright, so you have to apply yourself.” Dummy the retarded paralysis guy now owns like 2 companies, works at a third, has a beautiful wife and somehow created my two nieces.<\/p>\n

Anyway, once he was in a kids hospital as they tried to figure out what was wrong with him. He wasn’t a kid, but it was a childhood disease. So the Dr’s shoot him up with potassium to induce paralysis, and then just leave him hooked up to machines to monitor. My Dad gets bored, decides to go outside. As he’s coming down the elevator, Ms Teen Vermont, all of like 16 gets on with her sash and crown. My dad starts talking to her and finds out she takes teddy bears and shit to the kids, and reads them Horton. So my Dad says: “My youngest son is here, and he’s very sad. Would you mind visiting, it would make his life so complete.” She says yes, but she has to go to another room first.<\/p>\n

So my dad runs up to his room again, takes one of my Bros hands and shoves it down his pants, takes the other and shoves the finger up into his nose, then just walks out. Ms Vermont arrived shortly thereafter to find a young man playing Al Bundy while digging for Gold.<\/p>\n

We used to get Bro paralyzed and then put like rubber ducky floaties on him at parties and throw him into the pool. Another time his buds tied his hands to strings and walked him around like Weekend at Bernies. When my brother got beaned in the head with a softball a few years ago he had bleeding on the brain. 2 days after they let him out of ICU, he was running around the neighborhood with a hockey helmet on asking people if “anybody seen my baseball.” My sis-in-law wasn’t quite as amused, but I still found it hilarious. <\/p>\n

Anyway, here are some of the comments to that video above:<\/p>\n

LxoIxo (4 minutes ago)
\nThis is so sick. How dare you do this to your poor child? Do you see him, the poor? thing is CRYING! Your are EVIL people. Mostly when you FINALLY tried to get ur freaking kid out he was screaming you were laughing! You broadcast your kid in pain? What kind of EVIL, SICK, MESSED UP parents are YOU? Disgusting. I reccomend you see a phycologist. This isnt the LEAST BIT funny. I dont get how anybody could be so sick as to LAUGH at that. Do you really think that this kid wants you as a parent? Loser <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

kathleenburns (24 minutes ago)
\nthe meanest parents this is child abuse. what if the child got an electric shock, they would just laugh. i? hope they are reported for child abuse. with parents like this the child may never stand a chance to grow up. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

abrame1023 (39 minutes ago)
\nthis is sick. these parents tormented? their son when all he wanted was to get out from behind the couch. they took the time to record their son in pain just so they could have their 15 minutes? ridiculous. <\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Really people? Does the kid look all that traumatized? Give me a break. If the worst thing that happens to that kid on any given day is getting stuck behind the couch, that’s a safe day. I used to put my brother in a sea chest with pillows and toss him off the roof. One time the little bastard decided to slide down a board he leaned against the roof and got like 300 splinters in his ass. I laughed as they pulled out each one to accompanying screams. I even tied him up in fishing line and threw him down the stairs once. Dude, this is what kids do.<\/p>\n

I suspect this kid will survive. Probably grow up to own private detective firms and work as pharmaceutical sales reps living in New Jersey. <\/p>\n

BTW- I will be out for a few days to take aforementioned GF to meet aforementioned retard and his wife and spawn.<\/p>\n

Update: S6R just reminded me of some other funnies with my brother. He lived with me and 2 other dudes in an efficiency when I first moved to DC. Me, a jarhead, my brother and this DJ from a local bar I knew. Obviously, we were broke as hell, but figured out that $1.07 would get you a hot ball (dinner) and a 40 ouncer of Mikey’s (desert). Anyway, he was going through PI school, and I was an intern at the NRA. So what we would do is try to pick up girls using the stupidest methods ever. (These were Georgetown girls, so wasn’t hard.) But Bro would be my wingman by acting deaf, and asking a girl to dance. If she said no he would start yelling in Deaf Guy voice that she wouldn’t dance with him because of his impairment. I would step in to calm him down, and then send him off. Then I would offer the girl a drink to make up for it. It was simply awful, and I don’t believe it ever worked once. We also used to introduce ourselves as brothers to two girls, and then tell the girls what the other’s occupation was. So it would be like “Hi, I am TSO and this is Bro. Bro here is an extreme Skiier.” And he would go: “Yup, and he is an herb salesman for restaurants in town.” The only rule was you had to stay in character or you lost.<\/p>\n

Although this is much funnier spoken than not written, I learned that night that “Thyme” is pronounced “Time” and not the “th” sound from “the.” Also, saying “that’s what we call it in the business” is not a good saving throw.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

OK, so my beloved GF sent along this video to me, which is worth a few … I would apparently make a shitty parent<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16419","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16419","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=16419"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16419\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=16419"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=16419"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=16419"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}