Daytona Beach, Florida (AP) – In a stunning move, and mirroring President Obama being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, officials at NASCAR’s headquarters in Daytona announced today that they would be awarding the president the racing organization’s ‘Rookie Driver Of The Year’ award. A spokesman for NASCAR was quoted as saying, “Considering what the president has done for the American auto industry this past year, we felt he deserved this honor”. <\/p>\n
When questioned on the fact that President Obama doesn’t race in NASCAR and isn’t even a fan of the sport, the spokesman noted, “If them Nobel people can give the president a medal for peace when he’s getting ready to send more troops into harms way, we see no reason why we can’t make him rookie of the year even if he thinks we’re all a bunch of Confederate flag waving racists.” When contacted for a response, the White House issued the following statement:<\/p>\n
“President Obama is honored to accept the NASCAR award for Rookie Of The Year. As a close personal friend of Ricky Bobby, the president is well aware of the embedded American values of competition and wholesome recreation that NASCAR represents. Additionally, President Obama shares many of the same tastes as the fans of the sport and has even sipped on a PBR once when the local convenience store was out of his usual imported brand. Over the years, NASCAR has shown the ability to change with the nation and the president recognizes what a singular honor this award is. In fact, one of NASCAR’s greatest influences on the president can be summed up in the following; go fast, turn left.”<\/p>\n
Fan reaction has been mixed. One man from Charlotte stated, “Well hell, if they’ll let that queer Jeff Gordon race a car, I guess it don’t make no nevermind that they give rookie of the year to some colored guy who don’t even drive him own self around.” Another NASCAR fan disagreed, saying that she thought that the president probably doesn’t even realize that NASCAR isn’t a community organization. “Maybe if NASCAR hired a few hookers and some undocumented day laborers, it might be better, but I don’t think the president understands what NASCAR is all about.”. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"