{"id":12562,"date":"2009-07-14T08:05:39","date_gmt":"2009-07-14T13:05:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=12562"},"modified":"2009-07-14T08:22:30","modified_gmt":"2009-07-14T13:22:30","slug":"wapo-express-news-everything-you-need-to-know-in-pictures-and-pithy-comments","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=12562","title":{"rendered":"WaPo Express News: Everything you need to know in Pictures and Pithy Comments"},"content":{"rendered":"

My best friend Brown Neck Gaitor <\/a>does his Friday Round-ups, and they’re always my favorite feature over at the House of Snipers.\u00a0 (Soon to move to a new website, stay tuned.)\u00a0 Anyway, each morning on the metro a rather nice fella, perhaps lacking in cognitive skills, stands in front of the station offering the paper.\u00a0 I always take it, since the poor chap honestly looks downtrodden if you don’t take it.\u00a0 (If you go through Huntington, you know who I am talking about.)\u00a0 Today as I listened to my book on Audio Tape (The Glorious Cause) I read this thing.\u00a0 And the news today is….kinda lame.\u00a0 Yet, let me condensce it further for you, and include pictures.\u00a0<\/p>\n

(Disclaimer: I do not represent the average reader of short papers distributed at Metro Stops in the DC Metro Area.)<\/p>\n

\"q2\"<\/p>\n

Apparently Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson broke up.\u00a0 He seems like a Dummy to me since Texas girls are HOT!\u00a0 I’m guessing that\u00a0“because she spent too much time at MENSA meetings” will not be teh root cause.<\/p>\n

\"q31\"<\/p>\n

Tonight my MLB man-crush, 42 year old knuckleballer Tim Wakefield may be pitching in the All-Star game.\u00a0 If he does, I will have to turn the game off, despite my total man-love for him.\u00a0 If you’ve never seen someone catch a knuckleballer who doesn’t usually catch a knuckleballer, just imagine a blind man with hooks for hands trying to juggle jello cubes.\u00a0 It’s kinda like that.<\/p>\n

To answer your question: no, Eric Gagne (pbuh) will not be making an appearance.<\/p>\n

\"q11\"<\/p>\n

I would sooner admit to a\u00a0sultry rendezvous with Senator Craig in a Minnesota Airport Bathroom Stall than tell anyone I played Quidditch.\u00a0 But there are apparently a bunch of people running around with brooms between their legs chasing some other jackass with a tennis ball in a tube sock.\u00a0 Carson Kressley <\/a>reportedly said, “wow is that gay.”<\/p>\n

\"q5\"<\/p>\n

Men’s Health had an article about 11 hangover remedies <\/a>reprinted in the Express Today.\u00a0 TSO generally takes Aspirin, drinks some V8, and lays in bed crying like Nancy Kerrigan all day.\u00a0 Like my TAC said at the A-stan Trainup:\u00a0“That’s one technique.”<\/p>\n

\"spongebob-squarepants\"<\/p>\n

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!\u00a0 Bikini Bottom’s most favored porifera\/deity turns 13 today.\u00a0 TSO loves him some Spongebob.\u00a0 I will be enjoying a nice Crabby Patty at Five Guys today to honor this day.<\/p>\n

Dr. Dobson no doubt\u00a0believes that Spongebob will celebrate his birthday <\/a>by getting freaky with Patrick.<\/p>\n

\"q4\"<\/p>\n

I think, therefore I blog.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My best friend Brown Neck Gaitor does his Friday Round-ups, and they’re always my favorite feature … WaPo Express News: Everything you need to know in Pictures and Pithy Comments<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12562","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12562","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=12562"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12562\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=12562"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=12562"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=12562"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}