![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.cbc.ca\/arts\/images\/pics\/FeverPitchBallpark.jpg\")
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I heard Steve Jobs begged to have this scene cut for fear of it ruining Macbook sales…hey…it’s what I heard.<\/p>\n
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For those who have never seen this colossal piece of excrement, count yourself fortunate.\u00a0 It’s quite possible that this one film may eventually destroy major league baseball, a couple of small towns and a strip mall outside of Philly, for no other reason than the sheer energy required to sit through this thing rivals that of the event horizon of a black hole…but even that doesn’t suck as bad as this movie did.<\/p>\n
At first blush, it had an interesting premise; wacky dude nails hot chick and there’s the added benefit of a backdrop of America’s Favorite Pastime.\u00a0 I mean, c’mon, the idea kept King Of Queens<\/em> on for how long?\u00a0\u00a0 How bad could this one movie be, right?\u00a0 Wrong.\u00a0 We’re talking wrong on a scale of like looking at Miley Cyrus in a bikini wrong.\u00a0 It’s like mayonnaise on a hotdog kind of wrong.<\/p>\n First, Jimmy Fallon…dude…to whomever told you that you could act, you need to go to that person’s house, wait until they leave for like Walmart or the thrift, and then run over them repeatedly in whatever kind of car your profession affords you to drive…I’m guess a Hyundai of at least a mid-90’s vintage.\u00a0 The person who lied to you should be punished.\u00a0 Harshly.<\/p>\n Second, to Drew Barrymore.\u00a0 Sweetie, let’s talk…I know that it’s entirely possible that you’re confused, or perhaps you were recovering from yet another late night trip to the tattoo parlor, but it IS conceivable to portray another type of character than the one you’ve played for like 15 different movies.\u00a0 The whole “sweet misunderstood girl next door with a great personality and huge heart who gets shit on by her boyfriend but eventually wins him over”<\/em> thing is getting old.\u00a0\u00a0 Paleolithic old.\u00a0 Pelosi old.\u00a0 Stop it.\u00a0 Just…stop.<\/p>\n Third, the on-screen chemistry was like watching Alzheimer’s patients play chess.\u00a0 It was as if everyone showed up to work one day and through the course of assembling footage from camera phones, POOF<\/strong>, a movie was born.\u00a0 A horrible movie…like the one with the Hindenburg exploding except without the drama.\u00a0 Or the humanity.\u00a0 Or that dude yelling about the humanity.\u00a0 Imagine that, only worse.\u00a0 Yeah.<\/p>\n Then there’s the baseball…supposedly the catalyst for all the hy-larry-us hyjinks running through the plot.\u00a0 I use the term “plot” here as in “where you’d bury something dead and decaying”.\u00a0 But I digress.\u00a0 What we get for baseball is a whole bunch of shit recycled from ESPN or whoever plays Boston games…Nick At Night Sports?\u00a0 No clue there.\u00a0 In any case, it was clearly stock footage.\u00a0 I guess even the Red Sox don’t want to claim Jimmy Fallon enough to get scenes shot specifically for the movie…how pathetic is that?<\/p>\n As you can imagine, the ending was predictable…the Sox win, the boy gets the girl and all that sugary sweet bullshit.\u00a0 Blah blah blah.\u00a0 So while Bosox fans have been bitching about The Curse for what seems like Fred Flintstone ages, let’s get one thing straight…the Curse of the Fallon might eventually prove to be far worse.\u00a0 Play ball.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"