This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

Category: Usual Suspects

  • John Edwards; dick

    The NY Post is reporting that former VP nominee and Democrat Presidential candidate John Edwards smacked his cancer-ridden wife around after he admitted to adulterous sex.

    I heard Geraldo Rivera call John Edwards a scumbag on his show the other day. Do you have any idea how screwed up you have to be to have Geraldo Rivera call you a scum bag? And that was before this story from the Post.

    I’m sure there are still supporters out there looking to rehabilitate his image, though. Democrats have a problem associating the message to the messenger.

  • Jurisprudential Special Olympics Winner! How you can help Branum defeat grammar.

    discharge-button
    Well, since my post yesterday went over roughly as well as a boisterous fart during the Thanksgiving Dinner blessing, I’ll hold back ridiculing the Birthers and World Nut Daily one more day.  Instead, I’ll go back to the standard classic of goofing on James Branum.

    This morning I thought I would look for something wrong with his site.  In less than 5 minutes I filled up a legal pad.

    [WARNING: What follows is an orgy of similes and metaphors. It is not intended for young children, expectant mothers, nor retarded Oklahoma based Resistance Lawyers.]

    This guy does to the written language what Chris Brown did to Rihanna and romance.  It’s like he has a jihad against spelling and punctuation.  If grammar was a human, it would have been beheaded on YouTube.  It’s like Branum writing is as out of place as Jeffrey Dahmer releasing a cook book of his favorite recipes.  (How to Serve Humans.)  So, I’ll go over a few, but let’s see if you can go over there and identify the legion of errors that populate his shitty site.  Honestly, I would rather have Michael J. Fox do my dental work than read his page, but it is a sacrifice I make for you, my angry readers. He is roughly as accurate as an epileptic sniper. Even a retarded child rises above his level of discourse so quickly that he gets the bends. I would rather run naked, greased up, and blindfolded through the San Fran pride parade than read his stuff. (Then again, I am famously and flamboyantly gay.) He does to the legal profession what Gary Glitter does in Thailand. Anyway, enough of my jackassery.

    (Ah screw it, there’s always room for Jello and Jackassery.

    I would rather shave my nuts with Greg Louganis’ bloody razor than read his page. His grammar stinks worse than Ted Kennedy’s current suit. His thoughts tumble in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. His logic is like a little boat that gently drifts across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball does. The flaws in his logic are like a suicide jumper, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. His vocabulary is as bad as, like, whatever. He towers above his peers like a Bonsai tree. I would rather do hurdles wearing skinny jeans and a fiberglass thong than try to figure out what he is saying. I would rather teabag a piranha tank too. When his blog disappears, the absence will be unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can. His site is like a mix between animal pr0n, midget pr0n, and snuff films except without the artistic merit. His clients get less release than David Carradine in a Bangkok closet. He’s as effective at getting his clients off as a castrati gigolo.

    (Thanks to the Sniper and The Donovan for several of those.)

    First off, just kinda funny, but he has a link to the “Joy Mennonite Church” that he is apparently VERY involved in. He serves as their “Minister of Peace and Justice.” (This reminds me of my favorite bad guy name/title of all time: Adrian Vlok, Law and Order Minister for the Republic of South Africa.) Well James, Minister of Peace and Justice….Joy Mennonite has your name spelled wrong.

    But, why should James give a shit about spelling, after all, he’s not exactly the Spelling Minister for the Republic of Douchebagistan. Take for instance his blog posting about a clemency filling for Victor Agosto. I mean, James, my man, you not only spelled “filing” wrong (he has “flling”), but you also spelled your clients name wrong. (Hint, there are very few folks names “Vcitor.”)

    Regarding your links to your law schools and other stuff. Well done in the link to the University of Oklahoma City Law School. That one worked like a champ. You will no doubt be pleased to note that your school moved into the 137th place out of roughly 170 this year. (My law school is only 98 places ahead of yours.) However, your link to New College of California School of Law of San Francisco really ought to come down. The school was so ate up it lost its accreditation. Oh, and the second attempt you made at linking to the Oklahoma Center for Conscience…that isn’t a URL. I don’t know what in the hell you were going for, but not working.

    His sentence structure alone makes me want to stab myself in the brain with a crayon dipped in hydrochloric acid. Let’s just start with this sentence:

    I take cases based from servicemembers in the South Central Region of the US (see map below) as well as limited G.I. resistance cases from around the world

    Dude, what in the holy mother of Spongebob does “cases based from servicemembers” mean? You do know that in English declarative sentences end with a period, right? And how is it you claim here that you do the South Central Region and “limited” GI cases from around the world, and then later that:

    I have clients who reside in almost every state of the union and several foreign countries (many members of the US military today are not US citizens).

    Anyway, moving on.

    Actually, that’s about it for now I suppose.

    Oh, except for this, yes, he really did spell “Lawyer” wrong on his facebook page no fewer than 3 times.

    facebook-page

    NOTE: All spelling and grammatical errors in this post are due to the fact that I am like an FBI profiler of stupid. I had to get inside the head of Branum to see how he thinks. And now, if you will excuse me, I will go and eat my frosted flakes out of a bedpan.

  • Tony Camerino still clinging to his own lies

    In his latest missive at VoteVet’s VetsVoice, Anthony Camerino (aka Matthew Alexander) dismisses a Washington Post op-ed piece by Michael V. Hayden because of Camerino’s perception of the Bush Administration’s policy of treating terrorists as terrorists;

    Jumping on the bandwagon of fear-mongering and criticizing the Justice Department’s handling of Abdulmullatab is Hayden’s method for shielding against the Justice Department’s investigation of war crimes committed by CIA agents, which may ultimately lead to the top.

    Camerino thinks that Abdulmullatab should be treated as a criminal instead of a soldier in the war against America because it “shames” him and “shames” al Qaeda. Is Camerino so naive that he thinks that these Stone Age thugs are influenced by shame? That we can win the war against terrorists by shaming them into submission?

    Hayden writes;

    We got it wrong in Detroit on Christmas Day. We allowed an enemy combatant the protections of our Constitution before we had adequately interrogated him. Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab is not “an isolated extremist.” He is the tip of the spear of a complex al-Qaeda plot to kill Americans in our homeland.

    In the 50 minutes the FBI had to question him, agents reportedly got actionable intelligence. Good. But were there any experts on al-Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula in the room (other than Abdulmutallab)? Was there anyone intimately familiar with any National Security Agency raw traffic to, from or about the captured terrorist? Did they have a list or photos of suspected recruits?

    Of course, Hayden is right, there were no al Qaeda experts in the room when Abdulmutallab – he admits the limitations of not having an experienced team. So how does Camerino respond?

    Perhaps Hayden lacks perspective of never having been on the ground in the Middle East and working with Arabs or Muslims.

    Seems to me Camerino should have been outraged that interrogators like him, with a measure of experience in interrogating jihadists, weren’t doing the work they’re trained to do. Instead, Camerino claims Hayden doesn’t have the experience to judge the situation.

    It’s hard to give credence to someone who authorized war crimes, repeatedly, or who’s actions (the torture and abuse of detainees) resulted in thousands of new recruits for Al Qaida, costing us the lives of American troops on the ground.

    It’s even harder to give credence to someone who hides behind a pseudonym and makes outrageous claims like our strategy against terrorists creates terrorists with no real evidence other than the word of a few terrorists avoiding questions from an interrogator with less than four months of experience in the field.

  • Do they even put locks on nursing home doors these days?

    Someone sent me this video of a protest at one of General Petraeus’ speeches. Apparently the only people they can get to go to these protests anymore are nursing home refugees. Most don’t even look like they know where they are, but that lends itself to type of protest – they merely stand and turn their backs on the speaker. No real skill involved.

    I expected one of them to start shaking their fist at Petraeus and shout “You young whipper-snapper! Get out of my flower bed!”

  • The bravery of anonymity

    Ever wonder how you can call yourself brave without having to identify yourself? Well, James Branum, lawyer to more imprisoned soldiers than anyone else would be proud to represent, has it all figured out. He puts a prospective client on YouTube wrapped up in some really snazzy duds;

    Of course, Branum begins the video with a commercial for more money. Probably because he’s run out of people from whom he can leach. This particular person (I won’t call him a soldier because he’s not brave enough to identify himself, so we don’t know if he’s really a soldier or not) tell us that he just returned from Iraq and he’s filing for conscientious objector and a medical discharge.

    Here’s some unsolicited advice; If you just returned, apply for CO status now – you don’t even need Branum. You have lots of time to get it approved (if you’re really a CO) so you don’t have to go AWOL the day of the deployment and get tossed in jail like Travis Bishop.

    He claims he’s anonymous to avoid retribution – well, if you don’t tell anyone who you are, how are you going to file for CO status? That’s just ridiculous – who is going to attack him? Me? It sounds like Branum is using the Matthew Alexander technique to hide something.

    The veil represents all of those soldiers who have come to the realization that our current wars and all future wars aren’t worth human life. The veil covers his conscience. WTF? The veil represents his fear…period. He claims that he speaks for “many” soldiers. So I guess he thinks he’s the only one smart enough and brave enough to hire James Branum to screw up his young life.

    The rest of the diatribe of this fellow basically calls the troops racists and murderers – well, not the troops specifically but he blames “the Army” who makes us racist and blood thirsty killer. He says he’d return to Iraq “to make [Iraqis] lives better” – looks to me like we’ve done that and there’s very little fighting going on in Iraq now. So what is he opposed to about our mission there now? Since we don’t know who he is and what unit he “recently” served with, we don’t even know what he’s talking about, do we?

    Branum is also using this fellow for raising funds on Facebook, and says the guy is an active duty Iraq Veterans Against the War. More than likely in Fort Hood and a member of the coven of Coffee Strong Under the Hood. The word is that Coffee Strong Under the Hood, and their mentor Cindy Richardson Thomas has swung over completely into the activism camp and their concern for soldiers is over shadowed by the anti-war aspect.

    Thanks to Casey Porter for the links. He wanted to write this post, but I couldn’t resist since Branum is so eager to use this as a fund raiser and is so set on screwing this guy to the wall (if he’s a real vet).

  • Today’s “WTF?” moment

    My buddy, Bev Perlson, sent this video this morning. Fox News’ Judge Napolitano interviews Adam Kokesh as if Kokesh is just another guy off the street running for office without mentioning that Kokesh was/is a member of IVAW;

    If Napolitano had done his research, he’d know that his endorsement of Kokesh’s candidacy is fairly misplaced. Kokesh was busted by the Marine Corps for smuggling an Iraqi pistol back to the States – does that sound like someone we need in Congress? He misrepresented his character of service and continued to call himself something he’s not – and oh, he bullied bloggers.

    He has admitted to drug abuse on his blog (which has since been altered since he started his congressional campaign but not before TAH captured it). Remember Kokesh when he teamed up with Jon DeWald to disparage veterans? Remember when Kokesh tried to start some violence on GWU’s campus by tacking up handbills around campus that were obviously racist, but were blamed on a conservative student group?

    Remember when Kokesh was arrested for posting anti-war handbills in Lafayette Park after the police told him to stop? Remember what Kokesh told the officer when the character of Kokesh’s discharge was being determined? And, oh, at that same link is Kokesh’s recounting of an incident in Germany when he tried to organize active duty soldiers against the war on base.

    You can see Kokesh’s DD214 here because TAH will always be there when Kokesh shows up in public.

    Is that who Napolitano is endorsing? A chameleon who changes his politics with the direction of the political wind? While the anti-war movement was deteriorating, Kokesh changed horses in midstream to become Paulian and now he’s a Republican candidate in New Mexico. Last March, Kokesh was marching with communists, anarchists and socialists in the ANSWER march on the Pentagon. Today he’s instructing us on his commitment to the Constitution on FOX NEWS as a REPUBLICAN candidate. In just ten months.

    I don’t know how Napolitano can call Kokesh a “Constitutional candidate” when IVAW encourages servicemembers to violate their oath to the Constitution.

  • Guantanamo’s last holdouts

    soltz-camerino-filner

    While Anthony Camerino and some guy who looks like Michael Scott from “The Office” were in the office of Bob Filner the other day trying to get Guantanamo Bay detainee facility shut down, look what the Obama Administration announced according to the New York Times;

    The Obama administration has decided to continue to imprison without trials nearly 50 detainees at the Guantánamo Bay military prison in Cuba because a high-level task force has concluded that they are too difficult to prosecute but too dangerous to release, an administration official said on Thursday.

    However, the administration has decided that nearly 40 other detainees should be prosecuted for terrorism or related war crimes. And the remaining prisoners, about 110 men, should be repatriated or transferred to other countries for possible release, the official said, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak about the numbers.

    So where are the mobs in the street vocally condemning the president for continuing the Bush policy of holding criminals without trials? The only people concerned about it are leftovers from the last decade who don’t know anything else. Do you honestly think that this administration would do something that really that unpopular? Where are the active duty troops that are worried they’re going to be killed by new recruits who fill the ranks of the Taliban and al Qaeda because of the continued operations at Guantanamo?

    Of course, Air Force Major (promotable) Anthony Camerino still clings to the atrocities of Guantanamo – that’s his only claim to fame. He’s stuck in the aughts. So is Soltz and his crowd – they have to stay in business and raise money without pissing off their MoveOn masters in regards to their President. Anything they can do to keep Bush Derangement Syndrome on life support helps them.

    But on my last foray to VoteVets, they had the guts to call me a “troll with a political agenda”. And the Bush detainee program is beginning to look like the only viable solution to a complicated problem. Camerino and Soltz are just wrong.

  • OFA: Keep elections fair (for us)

    Organizing For America, the DNC’s front group for Obamabots, sent another BFF email to me this morning warning that corporations now have a free-for-all opportunity to pour their money into elections;

    ofa-special-interest-money

    Of course, they fail to mention that the Supreme Court also freed up contribution limits to campaigns from individuals and unions in addition to corporations. Chuckie Schumer blames the Court’s decision for the losses the Democrats expect at the polls in November, instead of their own incompetence;

    “The bottom line is, the Supreme Court has just predetermined the winners of next November’s election. It won’t be the Republican or the Democrats and it won’t be the American people; it will be corporate America,” Senator Charles Schumer, a Democrat from New York, said.

    That’s why Schumer thinks that a Congressional investigation of the Court’s decision doesn’t violate the separation of powers of the three branches of the federal government. Buncha idiot drama queens.