This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

Category: “Teh Stoopid”

  • A HumpDay Detour Into Bizzarro World

    This can be a sort of  “feel good” story depending how one sees the world.

    Caveat: I dunno if this linked site is satire or not? I opted against delving too deeply there because either way I had the feeling it would cause my blood pressure to spike.

    School Offers Counseling for Students Troubled by Pastry-Gun Incident

    The elementary school that was the scene of Josh’s brutally harmless rampage sent students home Friday with a letter describing the incident as if it had actually been serious:

    Dear Parents and Guardians:

    I am writing to let you know about an incident that occurred this morning in one of our classrooms and encourage you to discuss this matter with your child in a manner you deem most appropriate.

    During breakfast this morning, one of our students used food to make inappropriate gestures that disrupted the class. While no physical threats were made and no one [was] harmed, the student had to be removed from the classroom.

    * * *

    As you are aware, the … Code of Student Conduct and appropriate consequences related to violations of the code are clearly spelled out in the Student Handbook, which was sent home during the first week of school and can be found on our website, www.aacps.org….

    If your children express that they are troubled by today’s incident, please talk with them and help them share their feelings. Our school counselor is available to meet with any students who have the need to do so next week. In general, please remind them of the importance of making good choices.

    Pretty sure that if your children are “troubled” by another kid biting a pastry into something that looks sort of like a gun and waving said pastry around, you have already failed as a parent.

    I keep thinking about “Animal House” and the food fight scene. Simulated explosives  – OH THE HORROR!

  • What’s Next – Pop-Tart Control Laws?

    In Baltimore, People’s Republic of Maryland, a 7 year old kid was recently suspended from school for 2 days for an “inappropriate gesture”.

    His “crime”?  Eating a Pop-Tart.  While doing so, one of his teachers saw the half-eaten pastry – and thought it was being shaped to look like a gun.

    I wish I was joking above.  Unfortunately, I’m not.

    We all knew that common sense ceased to be a requirement for public educators years ago.  Apparently now working brain cells are no longer required either.

    Completely asinine.  But hey – it’s just another public-school example of “your tax dollars at work.”

  • An Experiment Gone Bad – What Would YOU do?

    Stumbled across this via FB. I don’t wrestle much any more. I think I woulda shot first myself.

    C’mon… it IS funny.

  • This Weeks’ Nominee for “Dumbass of the Month”

    That would be an individual calling himself “Dogg” – a snowplow operator in Boston Lowell, MA.

    As you might remember, Massachusetts had a severe snowstorm recently.  Recovery from severe snowstorms requires lots of things – one of which is plowing the roads.

    “Dogg” was a contract snowplow operator in the area.  And he enjoyed his job, too.

    He especially enjoyed it when he got to bury cars in snow while plowing.  That was apparently his favorite part of the job.

    He liked that so much that he made and narrated a video of his work, shot through the windshield of his snowplow truck, while plowing streets in Lowell during and after the recent blizzard.  Then he posted his video to YouTube.

    Maybe that wasn’t the best idea.

    It seems a few people saw his video.  Like some folks at a local TV station – which later broadcast “Dogg’s” video.  It was then seen by the Lowell city manager, and by his employer – the company that had a contract to plow streets in Lowell.

    Oops.

    Did I say “employer”?  I should have said “former employer” – because “Dogg” is now unemployed.  The company fired him last Friday.

    But don’t feel too bad for “Dogg”.  In Massachusetts, he may be eligible for unemployment compensation anyway.  He can make a decent argument that he was fired for PR reasons and not truly for cause because he was just “doing his job as prescribed” and was being honest about what parts of it he enjoyed most.  And Massachusetts also has the reputation of being relatively strict on what they consider a firing “for cause” that disqualifies one from receiving unemployment compensation.

    He’s also gotten inquiries from reality show producers in NYC and LA, telling him that they think he’d make a “really good reality show star”.

  • If It Is Sunday It MUST be a Silly???

    It has been said that “Laughter Is the Best Medicine.”  Using that old saw as a standard I’ve tried to find humor in the absurd, but in my apparent dotage it is getting harder to do so…

    Anyway,  it seems Clint Eastwood has been Swatted

    Add another celebrity to the list of people that have been swatted. “Dirty Harry” himself, Clint Eastwood, is the latest in a long line of celebrity victims. According to TMZ, police rushed to Eastwood’s Los Angeles home this week, after a 911 call stated that men with assault weapons were inside the actor’s house, and people had been shot.

    Linking Eastwood with Bieber (see the link) is funny, but all it takes is a phony 911 call. Any one of us could annoy someone and have a well meaning SWAT team come a-knocking.

    I suspect that defining “absurd” is where I fail. Someone has changed the definition when I wasn’t looking.

    How ’bout this one: Karzai has ordered all U.S. Special Forces out of two key provinces within two weeks.

    Afghan President Hamid Karzai has ordered all U.S. Special Forces out of two key provinces within two weeks, accusing Afghan units under their jurisdiction of being responsible for the torture, abuse, and disappearance of Afghan civilians.

    My first thought was that he must finally have amassed enough cash AND have a jet on the runway all warmed up.  If we didn’t have “boots on the ground” there the absurdity would be worth mentioning. How DID he become Prez in the first place?

    Must note Jonn’s take – it just fits.

    Hmmm… I found myself getting so tangled up in definitions I almost trashed this post. Then I realized that my confusion may reflect some of you TAH readers so I’ll leave it to you.

     

  • Petition to lower precedence of Distinguished Warfare Medal

    At the risk of you guys making me feel worse for my Bronze Star Medal which I know I earned merely for being a SFC in Iraq, I’ll mention that there’s a petition at the White House website for lowering the precedence of the Distinguished Warfare Medal – that medal that Leon Panetta announced last week for drone pilots who positively impact the war against terror without actually being in the war. The petition says;

    The Pentagon is introducing a new medal to recognized the service of pilots of unmanned drones during combat operations. This medal will be placed in precedence order just below the Distinguished Flying Cross and just above a Bronze Star Medal. Bronze Stars are commonly awarded with a Valor device in recognition of a soldier’s service in the heat of combat while on the ground in the theater of operation. Under no circumstance should a medal that is designed to honor a pilot, that is controlling a drone via remote control, thousands of miles away from the theater of operation, rank above a medal that involves a soldier being in the line of fire on the ground. This is an injustice to those who have served and risked their lives and this should not be allowed to move forward as planned.

    There’s also a petition to stop the creation of the medal which seems to be less popular.

    While I’ll agree that there probably needs to be a medal to recognize drone pilots for their contribution to the war – which is arguably significant – it shouldn’t be of a higher precedence than a medal which requires the awardee to actually be present for the conduct of the war. The only time drone pilots face anyone with a gun is when they drive through the front gate and there’s a guard there to check their ID. So, you know, I’m not having a medal-envy here, just making a common sense observation.

    The Washington Times reports that I’m not the only one with that opinion;

    It is not the award itself but its placement above, in order of prestige, the Bronze Star, that baffles and rankles some. The Bronze Star is awarded for extraordinary service to combatants in an actual war zone. It is adorned with a “V” if it is earned in direct combat.

    The military prides itself on the authenticity of medals, which become a sort of chest-mounted resume that quickly informs colleagues of one’s assignments, performance and accomplishments.

    An Army colonel who fought in Afghanistan and who admires Mr. Panetta told The Washington Times that he was taken aback by the “sudden” announcement.

    “It has been surreal to hear the response in the corridors of the Pentagon,” the officer said. “Everyone was floored by the sudden announcement. Many are still convinced it is a joke from The Onion [an online satire website] that duped people.”

    Or, The Duffel Blog, even. But, see, that’s what you get when you put a politician directly in charge of soldiers. Panetta was in the position as Secretary of Defense to be a hatchetman for the White House, not as someone who would take care of the troops – so you get bonehead decisions like this.

  • A Sunday Silly on a Friday? Or is it?

    By now you’ve all seen or heard about the meteorite strike near the Ural Mountains.

    If not:

    Here’s a different view on the event:

    Russian nationalist lawmaker Vladimir Zhirinovsky, long known for his flamboyance and outrageous remarks, said Friday that meteorite fragments had not rained down on Russia in the morning, but that the light flashes and tremors in several of the country’s regions resulted from US weapons tests.

    Secretary of State John Kerry attempted to warn the the Russians it seems:

    He also said US Secretary of State John Kerry had wanted to warn Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov about the “provocation” on Monday, but couldn’t reach him – a reference to US State Department comments earlier this week that Kerry had spent several days trying to speak to Lavrov by phone to discuss North Korea and Syria.

    I think it was aliens testing us, however, the voices in my head tell me to share this version.

    And I gotta wonder if the US SecState can’t reach the Russian Foreign Minister about this sort of thing, what good is he?

    Aside: We here all know what Kerry is good for, but…

  • Earnest G. Smith, Georgia Idiot

    You would think that a state lawmaker should be at least passingly familiar with the US Constitution.  After all, there is this little thing called the “Supremacy Clause” in the US Constitution that says if state and Federal law conflict, Federal law takes precedence.  Plus there’s also that pesky little fact that the US Constitution is the “supreme law of the land”.

    Well, apparently someone forgot that.  As in Earnest G. Smith, Representative for the Georgia House of Representatives District 125.

    Seems that Smith is none too pleased about a recent rather crude but arguably complimentary bit of Photoshop satire which imposed his head on the body of a porn star.  So he’s come out in favor of  making such vulgar satirical use of Photoshop illegal in Georgia.  “No one has a right to make fun of anyone,” he says.

    No, I’m not kidding.

    What a freaking idiot.  But he managed to get elected anyway.