This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

Category: Occupy

  • HURRAY, It Finally Happened!

    As many of you may (or may not) know, I have been trying secretly for years to dominate the world.  It hasn’t been easy.  My first attempt to raise a small army of poisonous spiders just like in Arachnophobia backfired when The spiders proved to be only mildly annoying.  My next attempt to build a small nuclear reactor to power an army of DeathBots also backfired when the subcontractor for Uranium enrichment happened to get invaded by America.

    It seemed all was for naught, until I heard that there was a “war for oil” going on in that same country!  Well sign me up!  I was planning to ship whole tankers full of crude to my evil lair (conveniently located in the Hollywood hills with only a light commute to downtown!)  Sadly this war for oil business turned out to be a HUGE let down when I realized it wasn’t oil for us, but rather oil for the indigenous peoples.  I would not get to keep one drop of crude even though the stuff was bubbling up all over the place.  Clearly the news was either misinformed or the US Army wasn’t doing a good job of selling this “war so other people can have freedom” crap.

    Needless to say I was quite upset with the US Army!  I mean the only reason I joined was because we were invading 3rd world countries and stealing their oil!  Isn’t that how most great Evil Empires start?  What a let down!  Fortunately all was not lost!  You see around about the time I returned from my first tour, this wonderful new thing called “eBay” became available to me.  I found all sorts of things a maniacal genius like me might need; death rays, orgazmo-bombs (a personal favorite) which, when dropped on a population instantly causes everyone to have an overpowering orgasm.  There was even a Gay Smoke Grenade which would cause such extreme homoerotisism in any men unlucky enough to breathe it in that they would be too busy raping each other to do anything else (a real hit with the Evil Psychiatrists Union).  Finally after much searching I was able to find and buy a small African nation on eBay.  It was perfect!  Secluded, in the jungle, and no one really knew about it.  A perfect place to train my new squad of super female ninjas I managed to acquire from the Iraqi populace (for only 15 goats!  A real bargain.)

    But, sadly for me and my evil plans, Mr Murphy was out in full force.  My nation got over-run by some other quasi-nation then all my would be subjects died of Ebola.  That was of course after they were forced to convert to Islam and burn all their currency that featured my face (apparently I’m some kind of devil to Muslims.  Who knew?).  I could not believe my misfortune.  Clearly it was time for something else.  After the Army and I parted ways (they weren’t going to get me to go to this “war for oil” a third time without letting me take home any oil!)  I tried my hand at several schemes, but none of them really had any oomph.

    That was until I got a call from the Democratic National Committee.  These guys were really worried about Obama losing to some guy that had actually run a business once.  There was talk about a bad record or something, I’m not quite sure I zoned out most of the conversation because, well let’s face it this chick was dull as a 5 month old razor.  I perked right up when she told me that I would get minions.  FINALLY I would have minions that were mine to command!  It was pretty simple too.  All I had to do was say really repetitive bad things about this Romney guy, stuff about how he gave me testicular cancer by glaring at me or my grandma went retarded after he made her wear magic underwear (I’ll be honest I wasn’t taking good notes at the talking points meeting) and I would get my very own minions, on loan, from the DNC.  True I’d have to return them, but, c’mon, I GOT MINIONS!

    They weren’t half bad either.  I got four stoners left over from Occupy Wall Street that I only had to toss Cheetos at occasionally and say something about 10%.  Those guys ate that shit up!  I also got an IRS case worker I used to good success to harass the League for American Justice (not to be confused with the Justice League of America) a group of semi heroes that have been hounding me for all my “evil” ways.  There was even talk that I might get a black panther or two.  Ah, those were heady days leading up to that election.  It turned out that one of the Occupy guys knew a guy who knew a guy in Anonymous who wasn’t so anonymous and really liked Obama.  Best part of all he totally believed the 10% gave Romney testicular cancer which he passed off in his magic underwear to Walmart so they could give autism to Asians (I kinda just had to go with it in that one).  I got this Hacktern to change a large percentage of counted votes for Romney to write in votes for Leeroy Jenkins.  There was also a program that drew dick pictures on the smart phones of anyone who didn’t vote for Obama.

    As agreed, when the election was won I packaged up my minions and sent them back to the DNC HQ.  The Lair never felt so lonely.  While my lair certainly needed a cleaning, what with all the bong water, stale Cheetos, and reams of IRS paperwork everywhere, without minions that meant I had to do it my damn self!  I was quite dejected let me tell you.  I’d only got a few DeathBots to work off of Green Energy (Radium isotopes are green) before I had to send my minions back.  I was in such a sad state that I didn’t even notice the Evil Minions Union was threatening a boycott (I’ve apparently been pissing off too many British secret agents and do not have the proper faceless minion life insurance).

    But finally, FINALLY,after months of waiting I got a signed letter from the President thanking me for my hard work, and a promise of more minions on their way.  He seemed particularly interested in my plan to turn American Idol into an actual cult with me as their idol.  I can’t tell you what a relief it is.  This time around I’m going to get only Occupy organizers not the stoner foot soldiers I had before, who will in turn rally minions of their own to my cause.  I’ll also get a whole IRS office, that’s going to find all the loopholes nessisary to make the LAJ pay millions in immagined back taxes.  I’ll also get free license to use a special FBI counter terror team to silence any of those stupid journalists that dare try to uncover my dastardly plots.  Would you believe I’m even getting Homeland Security to protect my lair?  How awesome is that?  It’s like a dream come true!  Best of all I get picked up by Air Force One to play a round of Golf with the President every other Friday.  There’s some loyalty rewards for ya (suck it American Airlines!).

    The only real downside is, for right now I can only take over or invade white, Christian nations.  Well Europe is certainly White, but there aren’t that many Christians there, and apparently I’m not supposed to attack Muslims (even when they burn the currency, and flags with my face on it!).  I suppose I’ll just start with Ireland and go from there, after all when has invading Ireland ever gone wrong?  Hopefully by the time the Deer Leader (I don’t know why he insists on me calling him that.  Seriously, he doesn’t even like venison) leaves office I’ll have enough people converted to Baileyism (like Taoism but more evil) that I can apply for 501(c) status, and finally have my Holy War against that emerging religion Jedi Knight.  Depending on how that goes I’ll try to take on this “atheism” that everyone keeps going on about.  I can’t wait to start my conquest of the world.  Thank you Mr. President for making it possible!

     

     

    Oh, and Mr President, if your reading this, could you please drone strike the shit out of Claude?  He’s my Nemesis and a real dick.  He totally stole my idea for the DemBot Pelosi model then screwed it up!  Anyone can see that’s a robot.  That Douche has got to go!  Please and thank you.

  • Occupy terrorists

    Old Trooper sends us a link from the New York Post which reports that two Occupy Wall Street supporters were busted for having a bomb factory in their New York City Apartment;

    Cops found the stash in the couple’s West Ninth Street home Saturday when they went there to look for [the privileged daughter of a prominent city doctor, Morgan] Gliedman, 27, who was wanted for alleged credit-card theft.

    A detective discovered a plastic container with seven grams of a white chemical powder called HMTD, which is so powerful, cops evacuated several nearby buildings.

    Police also found a flare launcher, which is a commercial replica of a grenade launcher; a modified 12 gauge Mossberg 500 shotgun; ammo; and nine high-capacity rifle magazines, the sources said.

    According to the Post, Gliedman’s baby daddy, and co-resident of the apartment, Aaron Greene, is a Harvard undergrad. But, you know, we have to get the guns away from the Tea Partiers, because they’re dangerous. Damn 1%ers.

  • Occupy the VA

    JP sends us a link to another video from the Occupy DC folks which was posted the other day. It looks like, for some reason, a bunch of scruffy-looking folks claiming to be veterans were denied access to the VA building on Vermont Ave. in DC, a few blocks from the White House;

    They claim that they’re trying to get into the building to get treatment, but there’s no treatment available at that building. The Department of Homeland Security Police are preventing them from entering. The Department of Homeland Security police are different from the Department of Homeland Security in that they only act as local law enforcement, the FBI has FBI police, too. They aren’t agents only police.

    The little fat turd making the most noise is Bill Perry. Perry was one of the original Vietnam Veterans Against the War who testified at Winter Soldier along with John Kerry. Perry told me once that his testimony at WInter Soldier was “complete bullshit” that he told the stories just so he could score some hairy-legged hippie chicks. After I told the world what he said, Perry, along with Ward Reilly, threatened to kick my ass. Needless to say, I laughed at him and continued to interview him and Reilly. Perry is still in Veterans For Peace, along with the rest of those losers.

    By the way, Perry claims that he’s VSO rep, but I can tell you the names of at least one person who had their claim at the DVA dropped because Perry didn’t follow up on the application. He’s a VSO rep only so he can lie to more people.

  • Micah Turner; deserter (Updated)

    Phil sends us a link from YouTube which was posted on October 6th of Micah Turner. AKO says he was a sergeant at Fort Bragg and he’s surrounding himself with smelly hippies celebrating the fact that since he went AWOL 30 days before this video, he’s now a deserter. It looks like he’s making his little press conference at the Occupy DC camp a few blocks from the White House.

    I think he’s trying to make a point, but since the war in Afghanistan is over, for all intents and purposes, I don’t know what that point could be.

    Yes, I know people are still fighting and dying in Afghanistan, but this administration is doing it’s best to not win the war. I also wonder why we’re still over there, but since this administration has as it’s only strategy to withdraw, former sergeant Turner is pretty much joining in the rush for the exits.

    He kind of reminds me of Ward Reilly who claims he went AWOL in Germany to protest the Vietnam War at a time when there were no more combat troops in Vietnam. Yeah, I’m sure the hippies love Turner, but I think he needs a throat punch. Using your uniform to make a political statement is never cool. Luckily, he won’t be a sergeant long after he turns himself in at his unit, like he promises. And I’m sure there’s someone at his unit that will give him the throat punch he deserves.

    Thanks to Phil for the video.

    Update:Seems that he tried to turn himself into a local police station that did not seem interested in it. ALso it seems that he is all about the drama by taking photos of himself in front of a Army Recruiting station and at Fort Hamilton. Here is another video that was made yesterday by him.

  • Occupy Obama Campaign

    It looks like the far-Left isn’t happy with Obama either. In a link sent to us by GI Jane and Claymore, a few dozen occupied Obama’s Portland campaign headquarters to protest the treatment of Breanna Manning who is being tried for releasing thousands of classified documents.

    Scott Olsen seems to have been there, although he left before the voluntary arrests began. “Once bitten…”, but not before he quipped that he sure would like to urinate in a police car.

    Yeah, I said “voluntary arrests”. If you’ve ever been to a protest in recent years, the hippies coordinate with the police as to who will be arrested and when. We’re so civil here in the US.

    The local news was a little more sympatico with Olsen when they said;

    Some of the seven protesters sitting inside wore t-shirts reading “Iraq Veterans Against the War,” including Scott Olsen, an Iraq War veteran seriously injured by a police projectile during an Occupy Oakland protest on Oct. 25.

    I’m not sure that it was ever determined to be a “police projectile” Was it? I mean determined in the way rational people determine things…like not taking the word of hippies.

    But, it sure is nice to see IVAW doing things to help injured veterans like they did for about a minute sometime last year. Obviously, they’re back on the fund raising train and linked to Veterans For Peace, those lying pretenders;

    Many of the Oakland protesters claim to be associated with Veterans for Peace, a prominent fixture in the institutional left’s anti-war movement.

    Well, we can certain that if the IVAW and the VFP are involved there are few, if any, real veterans of the current wars, or any other war, for that matter at the protest.

    The protesters said in a statement that they were demanding that President Obama apologize for statements they said he made regarding Manning’s guilt, that the president ensures soldiers are free from pre-trial punishment, alleging that Manning was held in long periods of isolation, and that Manning be pardoned.

    Ain’t that precious? They think that taking over a campaign headquarters will impact the Manning trial. Little naive dicks that they are.

  • Return of Occupy to DC

    Radar sends us a link from the Washington Post which reports that they have risen and they’re back to destroy McPherson Square weeks after they were removed and the damage they did was repaired at a more than $8000 price tag to the tax payers;

    Protester Nancy Munoz, of the District, said that they had returned to the park for an ongoing protest and handed out pamphlets that said, “Action: Restoring McPherson Square The Occupation Will Not Move!”

    “We are committed to stay here and educate the public about capitalism, exploitation and, most of all, the importance of reclaiming public space,” Munoz said.

    Yeah, because the Occupation worked so well last year, right?

    It seems that DC residents of the K Street area aren’t all that pleased that the zombie-piers are back;

    Across the street, staff members at Georgia Brown’s restaurant — who had endured weeks of noise, rats and crowds during the winter protest — watched the goings-on from the restaurant’s terrace with barely disguised dismay. “They’re reoccupying!” one woman said frantically, into her cellphone.

    I guess winning hearts and minds isn’t on their agenda.

  • OWS/Black Bloc Hippies Show “Courage”

    Coming to us yesterday from the the Chicago Sun-Times is a story about our brave intrepid hippie warriors who decided they’d blow off a little steam between throwing “I was there” medals, plotting to blow up shit, and generally being worthless malodorous dickheads to attack some unarmed, innocent diners:

    Police call the melee at the restaurant a targeted assault by a mob that Winston said wielded metal batons and hammers. Ten diners were hurt in the attack, and three of those were hospitalized.

    Tinley Park police had five suspected assailants in custody, and Winston said 18 young men, all wearing hooded jackets and obscuring their faces with scarves and other coverings, stormed into the restaurant.

    “They came running in the door single file,” said Winston, who owns Ashford House, 7959 W. 159th St., and the adjacent Winston’s Market.

    Winston, and police, said the men knew who their targets were, and that the attack wasn’t a random act of violence. Winston said the mob “targeted” a group of 20 diners, all of whom were from out of state.

    Now I’m just gonna go out on a limb here and make a little observation. As of a few months ago when WI went from no-issue to shall-issue, this leaves Illinois as the only state in the nation which does not allow concealed carry.

    Anyone here want to guess as to whether or not they’d pull this shit in a place where CCW was 1–allowed, 2–likely?

    Those little hooded shitbags might have come into the restaurant single-file, but even with their hoodies, masks, hammers, and police batons, as soon as they found themselves facing some pissed off patrons willing to dump a couple of hundred grains of P+ .45 hollowpoint into their sorry meatsack carcasses, they sure as hell would be piling over each other in a mad rush to GTFO before they were carted out in rubber bags.

    YMMV.

  • Two more filthy beasts arrested in Chicago

    Looking at the picture above, I’m guessing that the Chicago police have finally caught up with Beavis, but the Chicago Sun says his name is Sebastian Senakiewicz who was arrested for making terrorist threats.

    Butthead (aka Mark Neiweem) was arrested for “attempted possession of explosives or incendiary devices”, so I guess he was buying explosives from undercover police. Good for him. Undercover police have the best fake explosives, I’m told. Fox News says that the situation is tense;

    Increasingly tense clashes Saturday night tested police, who used bicycles to barricade streets and horseback officers to coax them in different directions. Eighteen people were arrested, Police Supt. Garry McCarthy said.

    Organizers of Sunday’s rally had initially predicted tens of thousands of protesters this weekend.

    Sebastian’s friend tells NBC Chicago;

    “I don’t know if the kid is guilty of anything,” Griffiths added, noting that he believed Senakiewicz had been attending meetings for an alcohol problem. “I think on a good day if he could rub two brain cells together and one of them wasn’t drunk, that would probably be an accomplishment.”

    But, I’m sure the Occupy movement will show up in court for him.