Posted in

William Derek Church; the Round Ranger

by Jonn Lilyea••1847

Derek Church3

I’ve been giggling like a little girl since I sent this guy to Mary a few weeks ago. He’s like “The Round Marine” and Paul Tillson rolled into one. But his name is William Derek Church (he goes by Derek Church) and these are pictures from his wedding, I guess. He’s on Facebook somewhere, but I can’t find him. You can tell he’s legit because he doesn’t care that his Ranger beret is dressed over the wrong eye, and he wears the full-sized Purple Heart on the wrong side of his uniform.

He’s a steely-eyed killer who can’t be bothered with details like getting his drawers tailored. Yes, that’s a Ranger scroll with no tab on left shoulder;

Derek Church2

I almost didn’t bother to get his records, because he has 8TFU written all over him. but we got his records today. He spent about 18 months in the Natural Guard (don’t blame me, blame the NPRC) and over a month on active duty. But he made it to PFC.

William Derek Church FOIA

William Derek Church assignments

And see how the Purple Heart is on the left of his other medals that he’s wearing wrong? Well, that’s because he remembered that the highest medals are supposed to go closest to your heart – but that only counts when you wear them on the left side of your uniform, dingus. It took me forever to disabuse privates of that notion when we got the Valorous Unit Citation to add to the Presidential Unit Citation. They kept trying to put the PUC to the left of the VUC. Privates suck, just ask this guy.

ADDED: Here’s his Facebook, by the way.

Added by Sporkmaster.
It seems that he has another friend who faking along side him, because he was “there”. Also I like how his friend threatens to send the 75th Ranger Battalion on people. As if.

Double poser

Added by Sporkmaster

Also it seems that we are finding out more about him from his local community.

You might also like

Scott Cutright; Fake Navy SEAL with identity crisis.

Papotia Reginald Wright in the news

James T. Odell; prospective Stolen Valor criminal case in Indiana

1,847 thoughts on “William Derek Church; the Round Ranger”

  1. Not sure if the thread was removed of if they are having server issues. Gonna wait and see what happens. That Topix site tends to have some issues of its own.

  2. @1308 The thread is gone. I did a entire Topix search and a Lenoir search. It isn’t there. and when you go to the direct link you posted, or the one that populates from a Google search, it takes you to the main Lenoir Forum.

    There is another thread titled with his full name, that Florida State has been on.

  5. There was a brief moment where your comment, Frankly, and that thread showed in the index. Then it was gone again.

  7. Yup the William Derek Church thread is now the active Thread ! I believe his wife is getting pretty sick of the whole situation, probably feels trapped with her LIAR Husband of 3 months..
    It is what it is, and its not going away. The Church name is probably the laughing stock of Lenoir!

  8. @BK. Thanks for your concern. His time in service is used against him daily. He does everything he can for his children and they love him to death. His main concern is the safety of his children. His time overseas and time in service should not be used against him or anyone else for that matter. Apart from that yes, the liar of lenoir page is gone. She must have complained again. But hey, if you cant take the heat stay out of the kitchen.

  9. I joined the MSG (I’m Irritated…I don’t know how it decided I was in Holly Springs…I don’t even know where that is) and a new thread is coming to life. It’s like bamboo.

  13. @ Lenoir 101
    those pics are unavailable now. guess they were suddenly removed like other FB profiles, and Topix threads

  15. Lenoir Man 101, the links are coming up empty. Hopefully you saved copies of the photo’s

    Please feel free to send any other info to my e-mail at msgretired2011@yahoo.com I check it regularly and I dont divulge peoples names or e-mail address’s.

    Lets keep the heat on and get this thread at the top of the Lenoir Topix site. Mr & Mrs Church still havent realized we will not stop until the conditions are met. If I have to post them again I will, but they have been posted so many times now and been ignored, whats the sense.

  17. @1326 MSGRetired. Sir, tomorrow some time may I email you as a friend. I only have three TAH email folks I know. I promise I won’t fill up your inbox with a lot of traffic and I promise NEVER to send, jokes, spam or junk CC’d emails of any kind. All original stuff, you have my word. Thank you for considering this whatever your answer and…whatever your answer, no harm no foul if you say you would rather not.

  18. Here is a Topix comment from ‘Wrong Again’ … looks like we may need to add some FB action again

    “The poster is appearing all over facebook , everyone we went to school with is finding out ,someone who knows him asked him about it and he is still saying this is all BS started by his x wife. “

  19. Derek and Kiaya – You had your chances, and you failed, just like you’ve failed at everything else in life. Had you done what you said and turned in the uniform and especially Purple Heart, this would be over. But in keeping with your true selves, you lied about doing that. I said we were bringing our A game and I meant it.

    Kiaya – I am (and hopefully others as well) are going to do everything we possibly to get your kids taken away from you, and there’s nothing you can do now to prevent that.

    Derek – I am going to turn over all of this information we have received about you, including your young little fb friends, over to your ex wife. I’m sure she’ll immediately give it all to her lawyer. It’ll look good at the custody hearing, won’t it? Also I’m going to print out your wanted poster and certify mail your parents a copy.

    Have a nice night, folks. Sleep tight. 🙂

    If anyone in Lenoir has the contact info for Kiaya’s ex, I’d like very much to get in contact with him. 🙂

  20. Sparks, shoot me the e-mail and I’ll send you one from my main account afterward..

    Army Medical,
    It appears she doesnt like people making threats ( I never saw any Threats ) Then she challenged people to say things to her face. eeewwww
    Then she told her Cousin and his wife to go F Themselves, thats probably what got the thread locked.
    Man she is burning bridges with family now, I hope she can handle living her life as an outcast. I expect Church’s Mom and Dad to eventually wise up…

  22. @ MSG Retired — I’ll get the pics we have and see if I can dig up more. As you can imagine, my husband and I are no longer on their friends list. But let me see what I can come up with for you.

  23. I am sure John has some pictures as well.

    It would also be nice if guardians of valor or scotty featured him on their websites. I don’t see their contact information listed.

  24. Below is the Facebook Chat conversation between Kiayla Church and myself. The dates are included. Get some popcorn and enjoy:

    Conversation started 6 January
    Kiaya Louise Church
    06/01/2014 21:34
    Kiaya Louise Church

    Easy to talk shit over The internet. How about you get my husbands name and career and my name off your page and out of your mouth. As far as your little internet site you do not have copyright for those photos and is suggest you take them down…I won’t ask nicely again.
    9 January
    Kiaya Louise Church
    09/01/2014 08:40
    Kiaya Louise Church

    You have some nerve to attack someones marriage and their personal life. Its apparent to me that all you really are is some lonely dope looking for some attention. Its one thing to attack a military career but something totally different to attack someones personal life and their children. You wouldn’t know the truth if it smacked you in the face. Your sad really, plain pitiful, you legitimately have nothing, which proves nothing. Someone obviously never left high school.
    Frankie Cee
    09/01/2014 09:19
    Frankie Cee

    I “attacked”, (if you must use that word), a phony soldier, who used his marriage to display utter, total disrespect for the uniform of our nation’s heroes. Had he n you not perpetuated this fraud, it would not have gotten the attention that it is getting. And, in what way, pray tell, did I “attack” their children, as you claim. As for education, mine exceeds yours and Waddlin’ Willie’s by a long way. And, what truth is there to his phoniness. Please tell me. And, in closing, why is the “non-Ranger, never been one”, having to have you do his arguing?
    Kiaya Louise Church
    09/01/2014 10:36
    Kiaya Louise Church

    He isn’t, I’m only saying anything to your worthless ass because you continue to use my pictures and poke your fun. Knock it of
    Frankie Cee
    09/01/2014 10:38
    Frankie Cee

    What you call poking fun is what we call exposing liars. Because the public deserves to know. Especially, those up and down US-64 each way from Gamewell.
    Kiaya Louise Church
    09/01/2014 10:40
    Kiaya Louise Church

    Well those up here do know. They know everything, they know the truth. Your a nobody from nowhere who gets off on trashing others. Well you have your fun your not hurting him or me.
    Frankie Cee
    09/01/2014 10:42
    Frankie Cee

    Do they know the Real Truth? That he is not nor ever was a Ranger?

    Do they know that Ft. Benning Ranger School has no record of him ever attending? That the 75th Ranger Association has never ever heard of him? Do they know that he was NOT called back in just after 9/11/2001 and sent to Iraq, 2 years before anyone else went? Do they?
    Kiaya Louise Church
    09/01/2014 10:45
    Kiaya Louise Church

    You don’t know that, you only know anything but what you’ve managed to scrape up. And of course he’s a liar…it’ll never matter what proof he gives, you’ll always have something negative to say, you’ll never leave it alone. Why, because your a child yourself who can’t grow up and have your own life. He have to destroy someone else to make you feel better about yourself.
    Frankie Cee
    09/01/2014 10:46
    Frankie Cee

    Me? Scrape up? I personally checked him out at The Ranger School. He is a Fraud.

    I happen to know a bit about military history, and he DID NOT GO TO IRAQ in 2001.
    Kiaya Louise Church
    09/01/2014 10:47
    Kiaya Louise Church

    You got what the military wants you to know..that’s it. That’s all you’ll every have. You can’t possibly think you are privileged to everything
    Frankie Cee
    09/01/2014 10:49
    Frankie Cee

    I know that no RANGER would ever wear his dress uniform as screwed up as that one in the wedding pictures. I know that NO RANGER would ever wear that uniform without bloused boots and would never sew a unit patch on it. Never would a member of the army who has earned them, mix medals with ribbons, and never would he put medals on his right chest that are designated to be on the left chest. Shall I continue?
    Frankie Cee
    09/01/2014 10:50
    Frankie Cee

    Why wouldn’t his name show up at Ranger school if he had gone there? There are no school records that are sealed. NONE.

  26. This is like the third topix thread. A good portion of the threads are locals going at it over drama. Im sure whoever controls it will yank stuff here and there when the he-pig squeals enough. Thing is you can just restart the topic over and over if need be.
    Bride of hogzilla went off on her cousin who outted pig boy, then prompty pulled her own post.

  29. msgretired went back ans saved the pics right before the page was blocked emailed to you

  30. Thanks for the pictures, you owe me a keyboard. Well maybe not that what I get for drinking coffee when I opened the first picture !! I will send them to Jonn..

  33. Man… I’d hate to have their beer bill as they argue over where their scam went south. You know they can’t run a tab, so it’s all out of pocket. His folks must be so proud.

  34. I’m not even remotely thinking of shedding a tear for either of them, the mess they’re in is a self-inflicted wound!! I’m also willing to bet they’re swilling back T-Bird and MD20/20 like you-know-who on a bender while they try to plot their next scam to get more “freebies”, they’re both complete wastes of flesh, oxygen, and tax dollars, I wonder if William Derek Church the roly-poly Round Ranger is collecting or trying to collect either Disability or welfare?

  35. If your unit, town hall or grocery store is featuring a “Lenoir Liar” wanted poster, please snap a picture of it and send an email to
    msgretired2011@yahoo.com

    We would also love to have pictures of the license plate and anything else of note that we can use in this very public smear campaign against the very obese former Infantry school dropout, Obese PFC William D Church.

    To end: Someone on the current Topix page a beautiful verse about Willie and his Miss Piggy Wife:

    10 They both are so fat, that if either one of them fell out of bed they would go straight to hell.

  36. It’s really funny how kaiya’s mom is always saying that she’s going through such a hard time right now and its bad for her but yet she keeps on bad mouthing everyone on here and defending the lies. And she’s suppose to be a “Christian Woman” but she cheats on her first husband and perpetuates an endless amount of lies from her second. Kind of screwy ain’t it?

  37. @1347
    Isn’t she a preachers daughter?

    Kiaya did SPC Beheler a favor by cheating on him. For real. He doesn’t have to worry about feeding that fat dependapotomus anymore.

    Imagine what William Derek Church’s and Kiaya Louise Church’s food bill is a month?

    And the toilet paper those obese individuals go through!

  38. @1346, Army Medical, NO! They’re BOTH SO FAT that if either of them were to fall out of bed, the shockwave from the impact would register on all of the seismographs in at least a twenty mile radius!!

    And your species description, “Dependapotamus”, that also describes “The Ex-Monster”, a creature from hell that made part of my past hell, that thing was also a “Professional Spouse” that sucked a big chunk of my money away,can I “borrow” that word from time to time? I hereby personally award you (via the power I and the shot & a beer I consumed a few minutes ago after finishing another night shift) +50 COOL POINTS for coming up with that!!

  39. Oh, and the Church’s food bill? I’m certain it’s footed by us taxpayers and those who donate to local food banks in Lenoir!

  40. I love this quote from the woman:

    “You got what the military wants you to know..that’s it. That’s all you’ll every have. You can’t possibly think you are privileged to everything.”

    She must have penned that memorable quote after watching the “Honey Boo Boo” marathon on TV, downing a 64 ounze Slurrpee, a box of Ring Dings and a half pound of cheddar cheese!

    The brain cells must have been in scramble “which way to I go” overload!

  41. @1348, I also have to wonder how much money “WE” place on their SNAP card every month.

  42. What part of Lenoir does Fatboy live in? I don’t mean house address…just what area so can pay attention in stores that he might use. He doesn’t seem to be the Lowes kinda guy so can x that off.

  43. 1353 SJ

    Weight Watchers @ QUEST 4 LIFE WELLNESS CENTER
    1031 MORGANTON BLVD
    LENOIR , NC 28645

    we can x that one off too.

    😀

  44. @1351, MCPO, that, and she probably had one helluva sugar/caffeine buzz from the 2 pound bag of skittles she snarfed in addition to what you mentioned, and 2-liter bottle of Mountain Dew she guzzled before posting that rant!!

  45. Chip, now that is funny. When I’m in town I frequent a diner on Norwood St that would be up his alley. In-laws go there all the time…will make sure they have a poster.

  50. Yeah they have food stamps. They also got turned in. The wife refuses to change her last name from beheler. Found out why. Both derek and kiaya were both receiving food stamps. That’s right separately both carrying 2 children each. Never reported they were married and never called to change anything so that problem was fixed. Both have applied for disability and both have been denied. Being fat and lazy isn’t a disability. And they live in the gamewell area. Food lion is their main shopping place. You’ll probably find them on the chef boyardee Isle or the chip or candy aisle seeing as that’s all they eat.

Comments are closed.