I feel like shit right now with a cold, and with all else going on I figured it might be worth laughing at the dumbassery of some “yutes” who tried turning their lives around, not with guns this time, but with a blowtorch, and the expected hilarity which ensues.
This story from today’s New Hampshire Union Leader tells the cautionary tale of a couple of not-so-cautionary gents who, despite their recent legal troubles including felony charges of receiving stolen property, forgery, and so forth, decided their lives needed some excitement, and chose a blowtorch to cut into a safe containing (what else?) fireworks.
According to the state fire marshal’s office, “the two males were attempting to gain entry into a closed metal container which contained consumer fireworks using an oxy-acetylene cutting torch when the blast occurred. The investigation has revealed that the two victims did not have permission to be on the property.”
Thomas Komisarek, owner of New Yard Landscaping, said the container was a safe.
“The whole thing went up and blew their bodies apart,” Komisarek said.
Okay kids, altogether now: “Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.”
Reminds me of the story back in the day of a guy that was trying to warm up gas for his carburetor in the winter by putting it in a pan on top of a gas stove – you can guess what happened next.
OK, someone has to say it: “Rest in pieces.”
One of my favorite excerpts from the comments:
“These two meatballs got exactly what they deserved. Stinks the guy lost his property…it could have been a good abstract piece of art. Maybe he could have donated it to the National Endowment For The Arts…with the govt. shut down the Libs would love a good donation. We could call it ‘Pieces of Thieves.'”
Well, now I’ve learned something.
A safe is properly referred to as a ‘closed metal container’. I thought that was reserved for submarines and tins of crackers or coffee.
I have been enlightened.
How soon will the workshop be repaired?
I guess there is NO chance they can piece their lives back together.
Oh, so many possibilities.
this has made my day
Oxy-Acetylene torch with tanks: $300
Safe filled with fireworks: $500
Piecing together a new life with your best friend : Priceless!!
Talk about co-mingling your DNA!
“Hey man, look! A safe.”
“Wait! How do we know what’s in there?”
“Are you kidding me? What else would be in there but money or gems? Get the torch, stupid!”
You couldn’t make this shit up if you tried….
Talk about spreading yourself thin!
They each wanted a piece of the action….
This thread is going to get sideways in a hurry….
Were any nearby houses damaged?
I guess this is a shovel ready job for the coroner.
When the thieves concieved their plan, they “threw it at the wall to see if it would stick.”
It did!
Hi, and welcome to Name. That. Tune! I’m Bill Cullen.
Our first contestants are the folks at TAH. Let’s get started, shall we? Clue number one. Oh, remember contestants. The first correct respondent wins. Clue #1. This tune was written by Johnny Mercer in 1957 and published in 1959. I am taking the time to delay the next clue by writing this, just in case somebody already has the correct answer. If not, the second clue is that the most popular recording of this song was the 1963 version by Tony Bennett. There, that should do it for some of you. The others are asking, “Who the hell is Tony Bennett?” Okay, Frank Sinatra did this song too. In fact, his divorce was said to be the inspiration for it.
And now a word from our sponsor, Twenty Mule Team Borax.
Only the Lonely.
It’s hard to believe that there are some people in the comments section of the article who think it’s a tragedy that two young men lost their lives…their viewpoints illustrate much of what is wrong with America today. Two piece of sh1t thieves are trying to take what an honest hardworking business man has worked his 4ss off to acquire. They die in the process and these f#cking idiots are worried about the dead guys? Who covers the business man’s loss of property and structures on that property? His insurance has to kick in and cover these criminals, and once he files that claim he’s a higher risk factor because he’s had a claim even though he’s never done a wrong thing in his life.
That’s the tragedy, the silver lining is that sh1tbags have been removed from society and none of us have to worry that these particular two will be parasites again. We need more dead thieves, murderers, and rapists. We need to stop worrying about what brought someone to the point where they become robbers and murderers and rapists and start considering more ways to efficiently excise these cancers permanently from our society. Dead criminals have a hard time being repeat criminals. With the rates of recidivism in this nation we should take a good hard look at how our “justice” system actually dysfunctions to better analyze the methodology for correcting its’ current state of aberration as normality.
Sounds like they blew their chance.
PH2–fortunately, the damage was restricted to the outbuilding which held the safe–which, BTW, was blown OUTSIDE by the force of the blast.
Suffice to say the owner discovered a sticky situation when he arrived to survey the damage.
Dammit. It can’t be that difficult. No wonder Bill Cullen quit.
Can someone with the authority to do so please disclaimer the title for the sake of the coffee that reading the comments section will waste with spewing?
It’s only a 30-minute show, you know.
@16–that would be “I Wanna Be Around.”
What color eyes did the thieves have?
Blue!
One blew left and one blew right!
Next!
Ding. Ding Ding. We have a winner. I dank you.
“I wanna be around, to pick up the pieces…”
@23 “I wanna be around”
Ahh too slow to the buzzer…
Shoulda went with Patsy Cline…
Their memorial site:
http://www.hersheys.com/reeses/products/pieces/reeses-pieces.aspx
AirCav–you sure that wasn’t Skittles?
Where are the two thieves breaking into the safe?
Winger: Blown up, sir!
Soldiers: Blown up, sir!
“Boss, I think I hear hissing sounds coming from the safe.”
“Shut up! I’m trying to work here, dammit!”
VOV. Good guess. Here’s your consolation prize. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuZTk1hdpMs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4FfNYjw6qU
@29Veritas,
I Fall to Pieces
It was “I Wanna Be Around”
I WANNA BE AROUND
(Sadie Vimmerstedt / Johnny Mercer)
Tony Bennett – 1963
Patti Page – 1963
Joni James – 1963
Dinah Washington – 1963
Sammy Davis Jr. – 1964
Frank Sinatra & Count Basie – 1964
Brenda Lee – 1964
Kate Smith – 1964
Jimmy Witherspoon – 1964
Bobby Darin – 1965
The Impressions – 1965
Ray Price – 1969
Johnny Mercer – 1971
Terri Gibbs – 1981
Also recorded by: Peggy Lee; Lena Horne; Della Reese;
Julie London; Paul Anka; Eydie Gorme; Big Joe Turner;
Bobby Hackett; Buddy Greco; James Brown; The Senders;
Jackie Wilson; T. G. Sheppard: ………. and others.
Now AS TO the thieves (deceased), were they smoking when they blew that safe?
@36. OT. Hit the link in cmt 34. Great tune.
Post Explosion Conversation
Goon 1: My ears are ringing.
Goon 2: You don’t have any ears.
Goon 1: Where are your arms and legs?
Goon 2: I don’t know. What happened?
Goon 1: Let’s get the fu@k outta here!
Goon 2: I can’t … No arms or legs.
Goon 1: Give me a minute, I will think of something.
@18 Great post. Spot on.
Geez, AC! Made the mistake of reading some of the comments at that link. Having an allergy attack here.
OWB. I didn’t read any until your comment. Were I a romantic sort, I would not admit to it…
I love Patsy Cline. I drove down Petersen Avenue one night, serenading a guy in the car next to me with “I Fall To Pieces”, stopping at every stop light. I think he was drunk.
And this is why I just believe we should just remove the warning labels of things and let the problems sort themselves out …
Ridiculously enough it is true that smart people only have enough kids that they can afford and educate thus having small family, but “less smart” people don’t so this is a race for stupidity and smart people are losing as they are fewer and fewer each generation 🙂
Air Cav –
I wanna be around
@44–the whole premise behind the movie, “Idiocracy”. While satirical and humorous in nature, they hit it a lot closer than they intended.
Sorry, Jacobite. Although you are correct some Navy guy beat you to it.
@46- at this point, I am convinced that movie is actually a documentary sent from the future as a warning
Ex-PH2: regarding your question in comment 38, I don’t think so. But I’m pretty sure they were for a while afterwards.
They wanted something for free,now they’re “Crispy Critters”!
Wannabe Thief #1: You wanna piece of me?
Wannabe Thief #2: HUH?
Wannabe Thief #1:YEAH! I’m all over the place here, HEY, YOU’RE ALL OVER ME, TOO!!